I have nice skin. I always have. You don’t look at me and see a 52 year old. I never had acne or much in the line of skin problems. People always ask me my secret, what products I use, what I eat, to maintain such skin.
The answer is nothing. There is no magic jar, secret ingredient, or animal sacrifice. I have no consistent routine. I am lucky to have good skin. We, as a society, buy into the snake oil industry, using models with nice features and airbrush techniques to sell perfect. We are convinced that smothering ourselves with chemicals will solve all of our problems.
And that is the underlying issue of what I would like to address. We’re conditioned to equate beauty with worthiness. Don’t even get me started on the fashion industry’s long-standing tradition of brainwashing us into their definition of beauty. I’m reminded of Peter Parker in Spider-Man telling MJ she looked pretty, and she replied “Therefore I have value”. It’s funny coz it’s true.
Now you’re probably thinking “easy for you to say, you have nice skin”. Yes, I did open with that, and for a reason. I have often bought into skin trends. I don’t have skin issues, yet I’ve spent insane dollars on products I didn’t need. Or use. I have low self-esteem and many other body issues I struggle with, and will continue to do so. I get it. There is no judgement here. I understand treatments for issues such as acne can be life-changing. I’m not saying don’t do it, I’m saying do it for the right reasons.
I worked in the cosmetics industry in the 90’s. It was one of the most eye-opening experiences in my life. As an added bit of irony, I happened to be reading “Reviving Ophelia” at the time. It’s been awhile, but I’m sure it still stands up. It was written by a psychiatrist about her female teenage patients losing themselves in our culture. I always loved the title. We truly love to take innocence and drown it. Ask the legion of teen pop stars we’ve burned at the proverbial stake.
Anyway, I would have these beautiful, amazing young girls at the cosmetics counter in tears over a blemish I couldn’t see, or desperate to cover their freckles, the list goes on. It was heartbreaking. None of them felt “enough”. I learned so much about women in those years. There’s something very intimate about cosmetics. People just opened up. I would hear all their insecurities and issues, and it extended well beyond make-up. Sometimes I would feel like trash selling a product that fed on someone’s insecurities, other times I would be humbled by the confidence boost it gave another.
Am I against make-up? Absolutely not! I am an artist….I love color and applying make-up on people! It’s like painting on a skin canvas! But I hear friends say things like “I have to wear make-up because of xyz”. No, you don’t. Wear it for yourself. It will not change your worth as a person.
I’m not a huge fan of Dr. Phil. I do like some of his catch-phrases, especially “moral compass” and “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” There was one episode which I think of often. A little girl was becoming a huge, precocious brat. She was really pretty. Turns out, everyone constantly told her so. From her family to strangers in the store, all she ever heard was how pretty she was. Dr. Phil recommended not to negate her cuteness, but compliment her on aspects of her personality. Mention when she’s being smart, funny, or kind. The situation is the perfect metaphor for society in general.
Thank you for reading my rambling. I want you to know that you are worthy as you are. Do what makes you happy. Maybe if we all stress the good qualities in others more, we can ease the pressures of society, if even just a little.
Elara xoxo
The Magic Locker 